I think I’ve finally figured out why people send holiday cards with farm animals on them. While most may believe it’s a gesture toward the religious aspect of Christmas, I maintain it’s actually an unconscious nod to the underlying icon of the season. In each illustration there is one animal that is rarely left out of the picture….the donkey. This is not unintentional, and in my view, may not actually be homage to the biblical story of Mary & Joseph riding into Bethlehem. The real reason? Although relatively few people are aware….this is the season of the ass.
The ass is portrayed everywhere this time of year. Consumers are out on the roads running Yuletide errands and driving like assholes. Workers are getting drunk at company parties and grabbing any subordinate’s ass they can see through their eggnog infused haze. I see shoppers being a smartass to the girl behind the retail counter, being a lazy ass about taking care of their shipping priorities and a badass when they discover that their procrastination has left them bare-ass-up on options. All the while, the “girl behind the counter” is me, and I am running my ass off to help everyone who was apparently unaware that Christmas has been moved to the 25th of December this year. I’m getting my ass handed to me by customers who are unable to calculate ratios; one employee to each 10 people in line means that you will most likely have to wait. Of course, this wouldn’t be as bad as it is, if only I didn’t have six coworkers doing a half-ass job. If we had a couple more people putting their entire ass into their work, I probably wouldn’t be getting my ass kicked.
I’d wish you a “Very Happy Ass Season”….but really, don’t you think that would be asinine?
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Hiya Barbie!
This is the very best description of the holiday season that I have EVER read. Truly *AWESOME* . I HATE Christmas. I think it is a stupid excuse for people to collect more STUFF that we don’t need. I REFUSE to participate. Every year I get more grouchy about it. I wait for it to end…
Thanks so very much for this post. You made me LMAO AGAIN this afternoon!
LOVE YA!
*MWAH*
GGR
yep. as usual it’s the assholes that ruin what could be a perfectly jolly time of getting merry and carousing….i mean “caroling”. : ) i’m happy to know i made you laugh, especially since you make me laugh so often. : ) thank you.
Brava! All the bad behavior mixed with the pressure to be cheerful makes me want to hide from 01 Nov to 01 Jan!
no doubt. : ) i wish i could be in hiding too. unfortunately i need the extra money that this season brings my way. : ) i’m glad you liked the piece.
As someone with an acute case of the Scrooges (brought on by increasingly obtuse holiday revelers), I can sympathize. At the same time, this is a season of thanksgiving, and I for one am thankful your coworkers did not show you their full asses. Happy holidays?
you’re right, i’m incredibly thankful for that as well. : ) a very, merry holiday to you too.
When did you become Mrs. Scrooge? At the same time, I must agree with what you wrote. I’ve had much the same axperience working in retail. Oh, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
when people started to get really mean for the holidays. : ) thank you & a happy christmas to you too.
….. The ox and ass kept time pa-rum-pum-pum!
pum
excellent! let me know when you have my post set to music and we’ll discuss marketing on mainstream radio stations. : )